Screams, blood, tears, cries, smiles, sweat, relief... you were born.
Cries, breast milk, vomit, shit, piss, nappies, first word, first step... your first year.
Knee graze, elbow graze, tears, toys, bicycle, school, hate, feelings, awareness, fight, argue, heroes, friends, best friend, fear, religion... you almost 13.
Crush, smitten, lust, pocket money, games, sport, first kiss, virginity, experiment, alcohol, tears, heart break, laughter, memories, social media, cell phone, life, music, high school, university, parties... your teens are almost over.
Studies, work, death, laughter, addictions, habits, own car, own house, love, family, babies, tears, death, laughter, weddings, depression, joy, death, laughter, questions, get together, loneliness, materialism, fights, arguments, frustration, money, banks, technology, holidays, memories, news, cell phone, life... you reach 40 wondering where time has gone.
Existence, joy, grandchildren, work, pension, retirement, sabbatical, midlife crisis, experiment, bucket list, fear, money, banks, hospitals, scare, fear, family, friends, death, death, laughter, weddings, babies, strolls, wheelchairs, walking sticks, denchers, naps, death, death, death, loneliness, old age homes, dementia, disease, cancer, heart failure, stroke... if you're unlucky you're a day away from 80.
Death.
Our existence is nothing more than a few words, we want meaning through different things - some through experience, others through material things, others through family... but we all come to the same existence... a few words on a page that can define our entire existence.
You want to be unique, be the one in a billion, you're not... as much as you try, we all the same, we all die, we all add no value to the earths existence. All our heroes from Nelson to JFK added no value to the Earths existence - whether they were here or not, the earth still went from day to night revolving around the Sun. You think they changed the way people did things and saw things... nope, there's still Racism with all races across the globe, there's still death, guns, war, greed, corruption and that will never change. Its the Human Existence, as civil as we try convince ourselves - we're animals. its seen in our behavior, our real anger, our sexuality "We made love" no you didn't... you got horny and fucked each other - human nature. We here to procreate!
Fuck knows what life is meant to be... but our existence is nothing more than memories that will be forgotten. We live to work, to survive... our existence revolves around money. No? Imagine life without money... no home, no food, no car, no cell phone, no medical help, nothing can survive without money - the God we all worship is Money. You exist because of money... greed... no? Pull out your wallet and any note in that wallet... look at it - that note has, or will pass through a criminals hand. The money you used to feed your family - has or will become drug money.
The powerful man, is the one of ignorance. The one that sees nothing but the simplicity of ordinary life... born, teen, family, children, grandchildren... death.
Religion... Billions of people on earth, all whom have to worship a God that is insecure... He has to be acknowledged so he doesn't punish you... You sin if you worry or sad... yet life will ultimately bring you down at some point. If you horny you sin... so why the fuck do we have those feelings... James 1:13 "When tempted, no one should say "God is tempting me." for God cannot be tempted by evil nor does he tempt anyone. If this is the case... he created us... why give us hormones?
Isaiah 48:10 "Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction" God makes us suffer? So we know he exists? Is he sick in the head? He is God right? So if he wants us to believe then why not just show himself, so we can all believe - if he sees all these religions killing each other because of their different beliefs; why not unify us all by revealing himself... he could stop a lot of pain for innocent people.
Existence of the fragile. Just a nobody with random nobody opinions.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Peanut butter Milkshake and coffee
Staring down at the light wooden well varnished table, the coffee aroma finding it's way into my nasal cavity, and rain beating down on the zinc roof. I couldn't help but think of how she always makes me smile. I know I've been in love, I know I've uttered words that made no sense; yet girls felt weak at the knees.
She was different - I felt love... I didn't just think it or feel lust believing it was love. It wasn't a physical attraction - I didn't want to pull her clothes off and feel her warm breath on my skin... I just wanted to be there for her when she needed me the most. It was the real deal. I loved her, I wanted to tell her, I wanted to look after her, make her happy, make her feel a love no one could ever show her again... I just loved her with all my heart.
I fell victim to my love for her... when I wasn't with her, I couldn't stop thinking of her... when I was with her, I couldn't stop looking at her. It was unusual for me; me of all people to feel they way I did. I don't tell people I love them - I wanted to tell the whole world I loved her and only her.
Sitting here; the now empty coffee cup, sun breaking through the clouds and voices from conversations lost to my train of thought - I miss her. I feel lost most days, in fact most of my life has been like hide and seek. She always somehow found me... not someone protecting himself from the world - just me. She brought out the best in me, helped me find a person that hasn't been around for many years. I miss her.
The cold creeps through the door and I feel it battling it's way through my jacket. I hear the faint voices outside saying "goodbye"... truly ironic when I think about how the love I felt was never reciprocated. How I had to put that love in a box; it fought it's way out like a child with intense claustrophobia - followed by repercussions, pushing her further away. It felt like sinking sand... I had no control - I always had control...?
I realized I loved her so much that I needed her as a friend. I wanted her happy even if I was hurting, just play hide and seek... I was good at it after all those years.
The restaurant started welcoming people for dinner... my thoughts of her kept me locked up and unable to see time. My bill; waiting for me like a mother waiting for a child at his first party. I knew she wouldn't come but hope and optimism is something she taught me... she never taught me the disappointment you feel - if hope failed and optimism was defeated in battle.
Peanut butter Milkshake R42
Coffee R23
Total: R65
She was different - I felt love... I didn't just think it or feel lust believing it was love. It wasn't a physical attraction - I didn't want to pull her clothes off and feel her warm breath on my skin... I just wanted to be there for her when she needed me the most. It was the real deal. I loved her, I wanted to tell her, I wanted to look after her, make her happy, make her feel a love no one could ever show her again... I just loved her with all my heart.
I fell victim to my love for her... when I wasn't with her, I couldn't stop thinking of her... when I was with her, I couldn't stop looking at her. It was unusual for me; me of all people to feel they way I did. I don't tell people I love them - I wanted to tell the whole world I loved her and only her.
Sitting here; the now empty coffee cup, sun breaking through the clouds and voices from conversations lost to my train of thought - I miss her. I feel lost most days, in fact most of my life has been like hide and seek. She always somehow found me... not someone protecting himself from the world - just me. She brought out the best in me, helped me find a person that hasn't been around for many years. I miss her.
The cold creeps through the door and I feel it battling it's way through my jacket. I hear the faint voices outside saying "goodbye"... truly ironic when I think about how the love I felt was never reciprocated. How I had to put that love in a box; it fought it's way out like a child with intense claustrophobia - followed by repercussions, pushing her further away. It felt like sinking sand... I had no control - I always had control...?
I realized I loved her so much that I needed her as a friend. I wanted her happy even if I was hurting, just play hide and seek... I was good at it after all those years.
The restaurant started welcoming people for dinner... my thoughts of her kept me locked up and unable to see time. My bill; waiting for me like a mother waiting for a child at his first party. I knew she wouldn't come but hope and optimism is something she taught me... she never taught me the disappointment you feel - if hope failed and optimism was defeated in battle.
Peanut butter Milkshake R42
Coffee R23
Total: R65
Friday, September 25, 2015
Imaginations Of Temptations
Wanting to come out and play. Watching the stars fade away.
Wondering where you will be when the sunlight doesn't set you free?
One by one we walked onto the sun and watched our ashes float above the night sky.
Nothing will ever be the same, smiles seem to fade away, just like the stars did on that fateful day.
Where will you go, where will you hide - when they come to watch you taken by the tide?
So come with me, lets sit under my funny apple tree, we can turn it upside down and go under ground. Where the clouds sore so high in a fantastic lie - just you and me in my imagination of temptation.
Pure creation, elation, you and me flying over the sea, over the trees in what seems to be - all degrees.
Imagination of temptation free from taxation, all their fixation... just you and me, all in our Imaginations Of Temptations .
Wondering where you will be when the sunlight doesn't set you free?
One by one we walked onto the sun and watched our ashes float above the night sky.
Nothing will ever be the same, smiles seem to fade away, just like the stars did on that fateful day.
Where will you go, where will you hide - when they come to watch you taken by the tide?
So come with me, lets sit under my funny apple tree, we can turn it upside down and go under ground. Where the clouds sore so high in a fantastic lie - just you and me in my imagination of temptation.
Pure creation, elation, you and me flying over the sea, over the trees in what seems to be - all degrees.
Imagination of temptation free from taxation, all their fixation... just you and me, all in our Imaginations Of Temptations .
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Suicide Note
Dear...
I apologise for my abrupt, unexpected, departure from this life draining Earth... once home, once a great place to explore in ignorance. Now ticking clocks unable to stop, every second gone by, another closer to an inevitable end. "Life is what you make of it"... well I sure fucked that up... anxiety, tick, tick, tick, tick... clock keeps on, tap tap tap tap tap... uncontrollable tapping of my foot watching people walk by filled with ignorance - oh how I wish...
Anxiety grows, wondering "What if?"
Constant idiocy filling the airwaves of our radios, frequency scrambles during a song and I hear the voices of another racist pig trying to justify why his race needs more... is it not old news? Everyday driving through the same dip - same scramble, same old shit, different voice - but still same old shit... "We need more", FUCK YOU!!! Work for more... why must innocent people answer for the mistakes of the idiots before us?
Always alone... sitting in my own thoughts, sitting... alone in my own thoughts, memories... happy, angry, sad... lonely memories. Its not your fault, its not you, you did nothing wrong... nothing at all - you were the best you could be. A choice, a wrong turn, no turning back... time doesn't wait for us.
You were helpful, you gave where you could and when you couldn't - guilt filled you up like a leaking boat at sea.
Love broke you more than once and the last time, lingers more than the rest - emotional turmoil... I was broken, I fought hard, I fought like I should have fought, fought for something we both felt but one side, even though the love was felt... walked away for no real good reason - in fact there was no real reason ever given... just a bunch of stupid fears summoned up by a bad past. "Don't let your past affect your future or your present"
Third person writing, starting to wonder who this person is?
Could it be me?
Sitting on the edge of a boat in the middle of the sea... no one knows where you, I, you, I am, you are. Staring at the loaded gun wondering if it will hurt? Phone keeps beeping, BEEP "Where are you?", BEEP "Are you okay?", BEEP "Hey people keep calling me asking if they have seen you, what's up you okay?" BEEP "I miss u! Sorry I hurt you". Now before you think this is about a girl - its not.
Sun starts to set, beautiful, you start to see how peaceful the world is without the hustle of the Internet, news, radio, idiots, clocks - I hate clocks.
You hold the gun up to your head... hesitation, I wonder if it wil
I apologise for my abrupt, unexpected, departure from this life draining Earth... once home, once a great place to explore in ignorance. Now ticking clocks unable to stop, every second gone by, another closer to an inevitable end. "Life is what you make of it"... well I sure fucked that up... anxiety, tick, tick, tick, tick... clock keeps on, tap tap tap tap tap... uncontrollable tapping of my foot watching people walk by filled with ignorance - oh how I wish...
Anxiety grows, wondering "What if?"
Constant idiocy filling the airwaves of our radios, frequency scrambles during a song and I hear the voices of another racist pig trying to justify why his race needs more... is it not old news? Everyday driving through the same dip - same scramble, same old shit, different voice - but still same old shit... "We need more", FUCK YOU!!! Work for more... why must innocent people answer for the mistakes of the idiots before us?
Always alone... sitting in my own thoughts, sitting... alone in my own thoughts, memories... happy, angry, sad... lonely memories. Its not your fault, its not you, you did nothing wrong... nothing at all - you were the best you could be. A choice, a wrong turn, no turning back... time doesn't wait for us.
You were helpful, you gave where you could and when you couldn't - guilt filled you up like a leaking boat at sea.
Love broke you more than once and the last time, lingers more than the rest - emotional turmoil... I was broken, I fought hard, I fought like I should have fought, fought for something we both felt but one side, even though the love was felt... walked away for no real good reason - in fact there was no real reason ever given... just a bunch of stupid fears summoned up by a bad past. "Don't let your past affect your future or your present"
Third person writing, starting to wonder who this person is?
Could it be me?
Sitting on the edge of a boat in the middle of the sea... no one knows where you, I, you, I am, you are. Staring at the loaded gun wondering if it will hurt? Phone keeps beeping, BEEP "Where are you?", BEEP "Are you okay?", BEEP "Hey people keep calling me asking if they have seen you, what's up you okay?" BEEP "I miss u! Sorry I hurt you". Now before you think this is about a girl - its not.
Sun starts to set, beautiful, you start to see how peaceful the world is without the hustle of the Internet, news, radio, idiots, clocks - I hate clocks.
You hold the gun up to your head... hesitation, I wonder if it wil
Friday, May 22, 2015
Record Player
The sound is sweet, the music plays in the distance, pure instrumental. No one can seem to place where its coming from. Its far away, down the long stretch of road cutting through what seems to be nothing but open land and long stretch of beach. Mist hangs thick in the crisp air of the night... in the distance - lights... lights from a small house.
The house stands on the beach overlooking the sea, all alone and vulnerable. At the door is a knock... no answer... the music has stopped and turned to a slight crackle. The door is slightly open, cigarette in the ashtray, a thin smoke trail floating up into the sad atmosphere. On the table stands the guilty party for the once sweet music and now subtle sound of crackling - a record player.
A lady steps out of the bedroom, brushing her hair... eyes red and filled with sorrow, she'd been crying. She turns and peers out the sliding door, nothings changed, a misty, sad view of nothing. She turns to the man and looks into his eyes... his eyes silent - unbearably silent. She kisses him... he touches her soft lips and slips away into the darkness. She falls to her knees crying and pleading for her love to come back. He cant... crackling fills the room, surrounding, strangling, suffocating her and everything else - the record player... the last thing he ever gave her.
The house stands on the beach overlooking the sea, all alone and vulnerable. At the door is a knock... no answer... the music has stopped and turned to a slight crackle. The door is slightly open, cigarette in the ashtray, a thin smoke trail floating up into the sad atmosphere. On the table stands the guilty party for the once sweet music and now subtle sound of crackling - a record player.
A lady steps out of the bedroom, brushing her hair... eyes red and filled with sorrow, she'd been crying. She turns and peers out the sliding door, nothings changed, a misty, sad view of nothing. She turns to the man and looks into his eyes... his eyes silent - unbearably silent. She kisses him... he touches her soft lips and slips away into the darkness. She falls to her knees crying and pleading for her love to come back. He cant... crackling fills the room, surrounding, strangling, suffocating her and everything else - the record player... the last thing he ever gave her.
FREEDOM!!!
YES!! YES!!
No... my life is still just... maybe if I look further beyond the grey window of insanity?
Then off I can go to the silent hills, where I will sit with a man of wisdom. He will lecture - yet... his lips stitched closed.
I do not understand... is this what is to become of me, in this world that drapes its black cloth of sorrow over its shoulders?
NO!! NEVER!!
I WILL break free! Free of these chains that hold my thoughts locked down for no man to see!
I will live to fight for freedom that should be ours!
When every man is free and understands why - only then will the world be free from its insanity.
YES!!
Yes... my life shall live long in freedom!
No... my life is still just... maybe if I look further beyond the grey window of insanity?
Then off I can go to the silent hills, where I will sit with a man of wisdom. He will lecture - yet... his lips stitched closed.
I do not understand... is this what is to become of me, in this world that drapes its black cloth of sorrow over its shoulders?
NO!! NEVER!!
I WILL break free! Free of these chains that hold my thoughts locked down for no man to see!
I will live to fight for freedom that should be ours!
When every man is free and understands why - only then will the world be free from its insanity.
YES!!
Yes... my life shall live long in freedom!
Thursday, September 25, 2014
One...
She wonders out of sight, far from his eyes... who is she? Where is she?
He wonders out of sight, far from her eyes... who is he? Where is he?
One moment, one day, one month, one year. How long, how far, how many people before they lock eyes for the first time?
One kiss... true love pressed against their lips... soft gentle touch from neck to ear, warm breath on her ear leaving goose bumps running down her spine.
Soft touch, her hands turn to gentle claws running her nails down his back... true love felt pressed on their skin.
Passion running through their veins, ecstasy and delight. Staring deep into each others eyes as they both slowly fall asleep.
Sun lights creeps through the windows, one set of eyes open, one smile, one person, only to find...
One morning, one note, one goodbye... one lost love - one night stand.
He wonders out of sight, far from her eyes... who is he? Where is he?
One moment, one day, one month, one year. How long, how far, how many people before they lock eyes for the first time?
One kiss... true love pressed against their lips... soft gentle touch from neck to ear, warm breath on her ear leaving goose bumps running down her spine.
Soft touch, her hands turn to gentle claws running her nails down his back... true love felt pressed on their skin.
Passion running through their veins, ecstasy and delight. Staring deep into each others eyes as they both slowly fall asleep.
Sun lights creeps through the windows, one set of eyes open, one smile, one person, only to find...
One morning, one note, one goodbye... one lost love - one night stand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)