1 2 99999990. s

Colour.     s

Hiding again in the smallest of cracks we tend to fall on the safest route. In the colours we hide - Grey we cry - Black we die - White we say goodbye, we associate feelings, words, and even places with colour. What's my colour again?

Emotion.     s

Express, release... quake - alacrity for emotions to release to realise to feel. Where the center of flesh and bone meet, emotion pumping through veins like the bass of your favorite song! WORDS to break or make the heart. Emotional TURMOIL.

Object.     s

Strange unkind, stones, twigs, signs, the smallest of things, something with meaning. Sentimental value... A lie. A smile. From the other side of the world or out the back of your garden. All the same no matter how big or small.

Space.     s

Nothing? Emptiness. We can not touch. Black - Beautiful, on our backs searching skies for other lights... maybe other life? All unknown - to some. Space - air? Space - life? living or dead? A question? An answer? The meaning to life... if any at all? HELLO HELLo HELlo HEllo Hello hello...

Direction.      s

None. A way. A route for a place, a person... a treasure. The big sign with some place's name. The map with endless possibilities. The map with the X. The map that's lost. The map that was hidden to protect. The arrow pointing at you, the place you want to go. Direction. You are Here >>> .  not the BIG dot the smaller one next to the BIG dot.

Word.      s

Computer programme? ThE WoRDs YOu ArE rEaDiNG RIGhT nOw? The sounds that forms when the mouth moves in those funny shapes and the tongue says things it was not suppose to, or the sounds that you never meant in the heat of a fight? Letters seen on paper, books, news papers, a BLoG? The sounds you hear over the phone. WoRds. Are. You. Hey! That. Men. Women. Celebrity. Fame. Rich. Selfish. Guns. War. Famine. Dying... nobody cares............. END.

Money.       s

Green wood, thin, smells like the touch of a thousand or more dirty hands... Control, buys love even BIG houses or BIGger breasts.
"Nice car you have"
"Thank you"
 (I wish I had that type of money)
(What was he wearing?)
Bliss, emptiness, drugs or more stuff - useless stuff. Money, money, moooney!

Action.     s

Arnold Schwarzenegger. The silver screen flashing guns and stunts impossible for any human to survive. Showing feeling. Pulling a man from a burning car or helping the old lady cross the road. BANG. Swerving after waking up from a quick nap while driving... A choice. Action, Action we want...

Move.    s

Look up Action. Move from house to another country... Pick up a box and place it on the table. Checkmate.

Time.     s

Hour. Minute. Second. The clock on the wall, or the watch on your left wrist. The never ending Tick, the wrinkles on your face. Your age. 1820... 1918... 1939... 6 June... 1976... 1990... 1994... 1995... 1996... 11 September... 2003... 11 June... 2010... Now. TiCk ToCk, tIcK tOcK, time never dies, waits for no one. Time...... alarm.

Friend.    s

Trust, the guy/girl that has your back (knife included) That group. The "Click"
The "Gang"
The best friend from pre-primary, the person who held your head up while you were showing your artistic side in the toilet. The person you tell everything. The people you always party with. The people who will be at your bed side if you sick. Your dog, your cat. Your boyfriend/girlfriend. The people who always smile when you around... Friends, Friend... FrIenD.   S

Fun.    s

Jumping off a wall (drunk and naked) into plants without knowing the plants are thorned for your enjoyment. Dancing. Playing games. Calling people names? Drinking (which leads to being naked). Driving fast. Throwing eggs at people. Listening to Julius Malema. FuN getting sun burnt. FuN.   s still to be discovered... That string you find. Cell PhonE. People.
 Imagination.

Question.    s

What? What question? Who asked that? That thing at the end of a sentence that looks like this >>> ? What is the meaning of life? The voice inside your head, that feeling you get. "Mommy... where do babies come from?"
That sentence you never quite know how to answer.

Number.   s

The one you want so bad. Age. The house you live in; unit 43. The distance between you and freedom. The dreaded report card. Maths... Code... the digits that are now floating in your head. Year, Years. Date. Computer. Number. Number.   s
1 2 99999990.     s

Letter.    s

A B C. Envelope. Words to another, love or hate. Paper stained blue or black with ink. T H E  <<< What you see to form words with emotion or action, to create a picture or a message. LettEr closed, sealed. CLASSIFIED.

Love.   s

An emotion (Look up emotion). Family. Friends. That special someone. A word used too much. Butterflies in the inner lining of your stomach. Constant thought. Heart. Red. The emotion that makes you jitterier where you say and do silly things. Love.
Love.   s  constant if true.

End.    s

A word. Stop. Don't carry on. Black. Nothing but a fullstop. A wave. The goodbye. The break up. Pain leading to the... stop. Stop. StOp.
END.

Here There Everywhere

Another Sunday comes on by with my heart beating on the table in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself running down that empty road chasing after my mind - where will I be my friend?

Another Monday comes on by with my brain thinking on the table in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself spinning in the empty field, colours steam from my head high into the sky above the clouds - where will I be my friend?

Another Tuesday comes on by with my lungs breathing in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself in this room looking through the window, children jumping hop scotch off the walls and into the seas - where will I be my friend?

Another Wednesday comes on by with my eyes staring on the table in front of me, they see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself floating in a balloon, singing notes float from my mouth and stab my balloon to the ground - where will I be my friend?

Another Thursday comes on by with my ears listening on the table in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself in the desert, surfing the waves of this sandy sea - where will I be my friend?

Another Friday comes on by with my nose smelling on the table in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself on the moon, looking down onto the Earth spinning round and round - where will I be my friend?

Another Saturday comes on by with my mouth singing on the table in front of me, I see the people stare - wonder and ponder; how long will I survive?

I sometimes find myself under the sea, swimming with the bubbles of my last memory - where will I be in the end my friend?

Jason Paul Friedman

Blah

Blah from the mouth of julius.

julius is my favorite "leader" to hag on, but with quotes such as "Me... suicidal? Never I'd rather kill myself!" (Really? I mean really?) Who wouldn't find that funny? With marks for woodwork on standard grade "GG" yes "GG" you have to wonder how julias keeps making his way "out the wood work"

I often wonder to myself how does julius do it?

1: He plays the best card every time - race... anything that does not go his way he deems racist, please look this up, I believe in 98% of his arguments recorded (yes people do this for a living) the word racist was used... the other 2% was him thinking of another word for racist.

2: He is the best comedian this country has ever seen! Here follows some of my favorite julias jokes: "If both of you are under the influence, then using protection is very difficult. You are tired and the sooner you are to deal with this thing, the sooner you can sleep."
"You don't need to be educated to be a President"
"Casta Siminya 'he' is a woman"
"We are tired of a two-thirds majority. Our aim is a 'three-thirds' majority"

3: He is such an idiot that we actually give him too much publicity.

So we have our laughs at the man but lets face it he has power whether we like it or not, so all we can really do is listen to the Blah from his mouth, continue our laughs and debates about our "great leader" julius malema

Jason Paul Friedman

=)

My Heart jumps, My Heart skips, My Mind races, My Mind chases.

I Smile, I Smile more...

My Eyes tell all.

My Stomach knots, My Head spins, My Vision thins.

My Body is on its Own mission...

Smitten

Stained Wall

My face sinks into the concrete wall its pressed against, I can see the people who stood before me... their screams crawl into my ear cavity... their tears roll down my cheeks like the blood that spilt from their wounds.

The sound echoes across the jagged streets of my mind and the land of the uncaring souls.

"Come with us!" they cry; pulling, uncontrolled pulling, I fight for that freedom I had only a few moments ago, losing my grasp on the breath I seek falling fast all is lost my lungs fight for one more breath but I keep falling falling falling...

My eyes hurt as I open them to the harsh sight of the moon light spilt across the concrete wall, I see my face sinking into the wall, fighting the uncontrollable, I see their hands pulling me deeper into the wall... I see his black cloth fall over my body and the many others who stood before me. Tears run down my face, I can feel the spiral of death... my last breath.

I awake to see them dragged up to the wall, I look around to see myself on the other side of the street, I stand lifeless, with the Demons of Propaganda and Fears eating at my soul, I see them pulling my clothes apart and leaving me standing bare, cold - afraid. I sense the self hatred built inside of me for doing nothing... PULL. CRIES. PAIN. DEATH... I watch as they sink deeper into the wall, my tears blur my vision.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and find myself in the apartment across the street from the wall, I see myself in uniform standing with the Devil below, I seem scared and looking around when I stop and just stare, I see that the uniformed me is again staring at myself bare on the opposite side of the street, I look back at myself and now see His hand embedded into my chest, His cold hand wrapped around my heart as I lift my rifle - I pull the trigger for execution...

The sound of the rifle ping pongs down the cobbled streets; off the walls and into the distance - Blood Stained Wall, I see myself fall to my knees as He lets go of my heart - He looks up at me in the apartment, dead in the eyes and smiles.

PULL. BREATHE. FIGHT. PAIN.

They want me - bullets from the firing squad make their homes in my lungs, all goes numb as I gurgle for one last breath - Blood Stained Wall. DEATH.



Jason Paul Friedman

0oOo0oO

Roads unkept to cover the tracks of those who lied, I find myself arriving to endless chatter while the mechanical flies buzz in annoyance, those tungsten smiles like Stalin's First, I feel no warmth but only the incongruous stare.

Stop - Start the sounds of gears grinding across the room as the Wise walk through the door, I watch all the animals write down the Wise - they can not tell their own lies, I lift my hand in question, maybe to gain more knowledge or to point out that I am different?

I see no further than the back of my eyelids, I fight against all odds but come second to none, with the jets screaming in the background as the machines say goodbye; theres no way to call for help, if any at all?

With the hot air flush against my skin, sweat drops from my forehead... I am still human after all.

I watch them converse in conversation unable to read their thin lips, frustration creeps up on me, as every now and then I catch a dreadful stare.

My arms start to tingle as the blood struggles to find its way through my veins, the buzz of the flies start to become a permanent fixture in my sub-conscious.

Questions of fear are my devil, wondering what those needles are injecting into my body, green turn my veins as the thick liquid explores my inner being, I feel every inch it moves and hear the cries as it lays war upon my body, black, and more of it as I start to fade into unconsciousness.

I awake to find my mind intact, I open my eyes to see nothing but barren land as dust is swept up by the wind, , my mouth dry I am unable to swallow, it begs me for water... nothing but sand, I look down at my feet in horror as I realise transformation is slowly taking place - I am human, but not by the end of today.

My walk lasts for only a moment as I collapse to meet the fine red sand, my eyes readjust to find I am not alone nor am I on the fine red sand but on grass with life, they lift me to my feet, I can only stare unable to say a word. They urge me on to a lake with clear blue water, I am greedy and my gulps are large and messy, I don't care, but I am grateful for them helping me... their eyes never leave me, they watch my every move and smile as I take in more and more of what I think is water.

I hear a voice in the distance, calling out my name.

I wake up to find I am still on the cold steal table, with the buzz of the mechanical flies in my head, only now I am strapped down from my head to my legs, my whole body tingles with the lack of blood, their tungsten smiles are a permanent fixture as I realise what they are.

Human, weak, emotions, free thought? Lies!

My minds starts to lose its grip on reality - if there was any to begin with? I watch as they open my chest and take a look inside - Strange that I feel no pain - they share a joke at my astonishment.

I feel them inside my chest pulling, cutting... and fixing?

I want to lift my head to see what I look like but the straps so tight its pointless to even try.

They close me up and move towards my head I feel the scalpel run across my head - again no pain - I feel them pull something out... I stare in disbelief.

I start to cry, or I think I do, I feel no tears, but for the first time I do feel pain only its not physical its a common notion, I am heart sore at the fact I am no longer human, but a non entity such as them... I cant seem to remember who I am, where I came from, I have no memories.

Was I ever alive to begin with? Was I even here? Why are there so many blanks?

Why are there so many questions? I slowly bring down my hand as the Wise take note of my questions, they smile and tell me "The roads are unkept to cover the tracks of those who lied"

Did I lie? Are they protecting me?

Letter of Fiction

Dear...

I am sorry for the things I have done... with the sun beating down on my head and the shadows of the bars running across my page, I realised the wrong I have done to the family...

My nights are cold as I know your hearts are towards me... I use to believe there was a reason for my actions, but now as the time takes it's toll on my mind, the cold on my skin, the voices in my head... there are none.

The man next to me seems to have it worse his dreams come through as screams, I can only imagine what he sees... my dreams are blank, in other words I have none. I use to dream all the time, from running free in grandfathers garden to those dreams people have when they falling and then jump awake. Now my only dreams are when I day dream, staring out my "window" and reminisce on things past and wonder what if?

When she first looked me in the eyes my heart jumped, but only because I could sense her disgust in me, when she looked into my eyes the second time I could see she had lost it for me, I am truly sorry about the third and last time...

Her smell, her taste, her fear... I am sorry I really am.

That last time when her blue eyes sunk deep into my own, I knew she hated me, when I returned the stare - fear had fallen across her eyes.

When my blade ran across her throat, death ran across her eyes... I am so sorry.

I feel my own fear as my death awaits me.

Justice some would say, those who don't... I see it written across there faces, hate - cruel hate.

I now sit in my cell with my last request... pen and paper; I write to you - to say sorry for the love I took away from you, for hating you two for leaving me, I know I went down the wrong road but leaving me?

I am sure I will look into your eyes one last time when my life slips away from me... remember the first time when my life had begun? Not many people can say they were there for the start and the end.

Sorry
Dad

Love your son...

Let me down again

So many lies absorbed into my skull, so many dry tears I saw fall from your face, so much pain... so fuck you, you let me down again!

So many times I fought for your name, so many people calling My name - all to deaf ears... so fuck you, you let me down again!

I don't ever want to hear your voice again, see those eyes again... all it will be is another lie again!

I don't ever want to feel your touch again, hear those words again so fuck you, you let me down again!

Once a shoulder to lean on, once an ear to call to, once someone I cared for... fuck you, you let me down again!

There was so much pain, so much sorrow all for a cheat, a liar... fuck you, you let me down again!

Let me be, let me see whats better for me, let me live my life and do whats right for me, don't let me down again... please let me be!!!!

Bit by Bits of a Mind

01:01am
In the Darkest hour I feel my inspiration, at a time when all is still, when all the people I know lay deep in dream... I lie awake with words of incongruous meaning, all in my Humble Abode - my Mind, they float like a feather falling from the bluest Skies... with the softest Touch from my lips I express my Mind, my World - my Soul.

01:30am
Run wild with me as a simple Word paints a picture in your Mind; sets you free from law, allowing you to create your own.

01:12am
In my Early hours I see my Fears, I see my Pain, when all lie and sleep, I Wonder where I will be in the End...

01:45am
I test my Thought, I test my Will, I test my Courage, I test it all with a simple Tear, shed in the Dark for only me to see.

01:35am
HELLo...

HELLo...

alone...

The Word echoes in my head like a beating drum, alone alone alone alone, alone.
My own Prison in this small Dark room.

02:00am
I realise now how your Mind is your worst Enemy, it can make the smallest of things that has a Memory attached to it Haunt you.


1:52am
I look at the Empty side of my bed... there was once Warmth, Comfort, Solitude in a word - now lies the Empty, Undented side of a Cold, Ruthless bed.

14:09pm
All Bits by Bits of a Mind swollen from Thought. I Wonder if all that goes unsaid will lead this Mind to Insanity.


bits by bits of a mind
jason paul friedman

Million Miles Away

I am a million miles away from you, yet I fall for you each new day, it s as if the stars are falling from the sky into my palms and all I can do is stand and stare at how bright they shine for you... So now all I want to do is wish on a star - for you to be by my side. Hand in hand we can walk that line...
Its time to show the world what we mean to one another, I couldn't ask for any other. Its time to make right where wrong was done.
You are my light at the end of that very long tunnel, there was no other, only you.
I am a million miles away from you and still falling for you day by day...
I am sorry for the hurt I caused, for the tears I made you shed, I never meant to hurt you, never meant to see you cry... So please forgive me for the past and the things I could not do for you.
Let time take the past and throw it away.
Please join me on this journey - even though you a million miles away...
You will never understand the the feelings coursing through my veins with each heart beat; a million miles away - but love that's as close to my heart as a whisper in the ear...

Thought

Endless twitter, twists and turns, you fall to your knees and feel the pain that your brain is sending to you... would it not be so easy to just switch off ones brain to all the endless pain?

We all talk to ourselves and we all know it... yet when we admit it - we insane? The logic behind all the rules and societal pressure astounds me!

Too much questioning can lead to insanity... depravity, your answers could lead to truth but uncertainty - or more insanity?

Your truth or their truth?

The questions so easy, the answers so difficult.

There is always that one question... or is there? No - there never was a question...

So I am normal... you normal... we are all normal... far from it; if there is such a thing? If we were all normal, then life would be monotone such as sound with no distinct difference, people would walk around and be the same all round, there is no such thing as normal, the description of normal is suggesting its all the same there are no rough edges... we all know that we not normal we all have hidden secrets some bigger than others but we all have them - rough edges.

In the laws that are not written we all follow, in the things society tells us we hide. Thin. Beautiful. A word, a common notion; all our beliefs held under damnation if you put a foot wrong!

Why hide, why lie? Be true to what you are... break the common ground, destroy convention, lead with your heart and not your head.

Till tomorrow... we will see you again.

Whatever I want to be

If I miss that train again I will probably lose my mind - fall on my broken words and be left behind in that small dark room - all alone again!

As I sit out here tonight, I wish the moon would come out and play, I wish the clouds would come out and stay - so it can rain on me, rain on my soul and wash away all the negativity, wash away all the things that have been said... wash away all that has been shed.

If I miss that train again I will probably lose my mind - fall on my broken words and be left behind in that small dark room - all alone again, and I've been alone for far to long to be left alone again!

I just want people to see that I can be whatever I want to be... so if I want to fly away I'll fly away over the sea's over the tree's and if you looking up at me - I'll be waving back at you - just don't let me miss that train again... don't let me fall on my broken words again... I don't want to be alone again...




Written by

Jason Paul Friedman

Curiosity killed...

Just my thoughts... today it feels like my world has come crashing in on me... they were right when they said curiosity killed the cat.



My mind is starting to lose control, my body aches with every word said; you my hearts keeper ...



I feel this intense pain in my heart... you are my hearts keeper right?



Curiosity killed the cat...



Metaphorical I was a cat... scampering the walls, soft as can be on my feet... to stare into a home that's not mine, curious to see what was inside...



Curiosity killed the cat...



As I looked... crawled under the half opened window, I heard the snap - the blood trickle down my cheek, and the rough jagged blade slice into my chest.



Curiosity killed the cat...



I lay on my back as I felt the death slowly over come my pain - the keeper left me yet again!

Curiosity killed the cat...

My eyelids fell heavy on my eyes, and my last tear - rolled goodbye...

Curiosity got the better of me...

End Of Days (Use your Imagination if you have one, we fight convention)

Funny old man; walking down the street; teeth so brown, hair a mess like a pile of leaves, tall - unwanted by the Devil Club, out of reach with a finger on his lips, people can only stand and stare...

There's a window with a bright light coming through, it has cast a shadow of a lady... everything has turned to white and black - silence, still, incongruous. There's a lone tree in the distances - Summer yet the leaves of the tree fall brown and untoward to the ground. The wind is calm yet there are people inside holding onto poles.

Far away in the hills sits an old man, rocking his chair and whistles a song - a sad song... The tears rolling down his face are lit up by the setting sun of depression. She appears and strokes his soft white hair, she wears a white dress and has no face - she is beautiful.



Down at the beach the sand blows free, the waves are small and crash with a calm and caring sound, there are prints in the wet sand but not a soul in sight. The sun has almost set... birds fly in all directions - but home... All is still; quiet with the sound of silence.



The sky is now painted with orange, bright pink and purple... the warmth turns to cold - all falls to a stand still of question.



Its dark... the moon appears with a smile and lights up the land bellow; stars are bright with understanding, beneath it all lie a couple in love, they stare in to the sky with no meaning or understanding of love; the grass long and reaching to the heavens; sway in the breeze. Her eyes bright blue weird in colour, her smile penetrates his heart; his love warms him on a cool night.



On a chair in the middle of Nowhere sits the man who contemplates life, he lectures omniscient of the lessons to be learnt in life - but never speaks. Another man lies in his bed and sees all the lies and polytheism around the world - his eyes are stitched closed.



In the mind its quiet, outside its quiet, every thing is quiet... the breeze the only thing keeping things going. The sun has almost risen from its death revealing the colours of the morning, the light shines through a house and casts a long shadow over the grass to her feet... she stares at the sky as the morning colours vanish over the clear blue sea of insanity... in the center of her life - black she sees the name. Clouds roll over the blue sky, thunder rumbles, lightning lights up the sky, chaos in silence... People run for cover under the clouds, the rain falls harder with every step taken; the ground dry and unsettled. People stop, they all hear the sound... its quiet - its in their minds, voices scream out in silence!

All is still she stands and stares at all that's left - there he stands tall and unwanted by the Devil Club out of reach with a finger on his lips.

It will be okay.

Let the morning dew fall on your face to let you know your alive.

Let the people pass you by to let you know time will never die.

Let the tears roll down your face to let you know of the pain you once could taste.

Isn't it strange how a memory can make you smile,

and at the same time haunt your mind?

Don't worry; we all here to let you know all will be okay,

so lift your head to the sky and let the sunlight fill your eyes...

Now as the sunlight dies - know its okay to slide into that Bright Night,

let your fears fade away - it will be okay.

So close your eyes... sleep forever and a day

it will all be okay.

In loving memory

Clinton Simpson

June Friedman

Irene Friedman

Norman "Pop's" Friedman

Regina Bicker

Gert Bicker

Love you all

Written by:

Jason Paul Friedman
17/02/2010

Law

About a year ago or even longer, I wanted to start a blog but I had this fear of people judging me for the way I write. I hate structure, I believe structure is like any other law out there - oppresses freedom, yes some law must be followed but why in writing? I write what I feel works for me and not for anyone else, I might rhyme for a bit and then there is no trace of a word that rhymes

In school I was always judged heavily by the hand of my markers, until I found an awesome English teacher who loved the weird way I wrote, he encouraged me to keep a book and to this day I have some books and paper all with the most awesome unstructured pieces (Well to me they are). I then left school and my writing came to a halt for a bit because of rugby and having to study... biggest waste of my life, that's what happens when you don't follow with your heart, I wanted to act, do photography, play in a band enjoy the things that make me happy - but I was good at rugby but my body was far from ready to take the impact of guys twice the size of me, so that was that.

I have now finally moved on with the things I want to do, I now have the blog even though it took me forever to get it up here, but now I really don't care what people think of my writing, its weird and sometimes just does not make sense, but trust me there is a reason for that piece and will make sense to those who are open minded...

Well this was just a bit of how I got into my blog and my style hope it gives some insight.



Jason Paul Friedman

Eskom get's nailed at its own game

So last night watching the news I had a major good laugh at how Eskom's big plan to make money has now set them back millions, that's what happens when greed gets the better of you.

Eskom has installed pre-paid electricity systems into the underprivileged area's here in South Africa... and well in a classic modern day tale of Robin Hood, the "criminals" (I beg to differ) have stolen the devices and have sold the pre-paid electricity at a cheaper rate than the exorbitant fee's of Eskom.

So I ask the rhetorical question: Who are the real criminals?

Eskom has now said that they will take hard action on those who try defy the system... but truly they are defying the system with rates that even the rich complain about.

Yes this is the great Sunny South Africa, learn to love it or just plain hate it...

Forever

Take me where the sun shines and dines with the Inventor - tell me its Forever.
Hold me in your arms tonight, let me see your smile, look me in the eyes - tell me its Forever.
Let me love you without the pain, grief and unwanted leaf - tell me its Forever.

Who's there? Who cares? We all here to die in the land of never; where the sun is hidden by a shadow of Fear - here comes tear... because i know there's no forever.

Written by Jason Paul Friedman
sometime in 2007