Dear...
I apologise for my abrupt, unexpected, departure from this life draining Earth... once home, once a great place to explore in ignorance. Now ticking clocks unable to stop, every second gone by, another closer to an inevitable end. "Life is what you make of it"... well I sure fucked that up... anxiety, tick, tick, tick, tick... clock keeps on, tap tap tap tap tap... uncontrollable tapping of my foot watching people walk by filled with ignorance - oh how I wish...
Anxiety grows, wondering "What if?"
Constant idiocy filling the airwaves of our radios, frequency scrambles during a song and I hear the voices of another racist pig trying to justify why his race needs more... is it not old news? Everyday driving through the same dip - same scramble, same old shit, different voice - but still same old shit... "We need more", FUCK YOU!!! Work for more... why must innocent people answer for the mistakes of the idiots before us?
Always alone... sitting in my own thoughts, sitting... alone in my own thoughts, memories... happy, angry, sad... lonely memories. Its not your fault, its not you, you did nothing wrong... nothing at all - you were the best you could be. A choice, a wrong turn, no turning back... time doesn't wait for us.
You were helpful, you gave where you could and when you couldn't - guilt filled you up like a leaking boat at sea.
Love broke you more than once and the last time, lingers more than the rest - emotional turmoil... I was broken, I fought hard, I fought like I should have fought, fought for something we both felt but one side, even though the love was felt... walked away for no real good reason - in fact there was no real reason ever given... just a bunch of stupid fears summoned up by a bad past. "Don't let your past affect your future or your present"
Third person writing, starting to wonder who this person is?
Could it be me?
Sitting on the edge of a boat in the middle of the sea... no one knows where you, I, you, I am, you are. Staring at the loaded gun wondering if it will hurt? Phone keeps beeping, BEEP "Where are you?", BEEP "Are you okay?", BEEP "Hey people keep calling me asking if they have seen you, what's up you okay?" BEEP "I miss u! Sorry I hurt you". Now before you think this is about a girl - its not.
Sun starts to set, beautiful, you start to see how peaceful the world is without the hustle of the Internet, news, radio, idiots, clocks - I hate clocks.
You hold the gun up to your head... hesitation, I wonder if it wil
Showing posts with label Mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mind. Show all posts
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Sunday, July 18, 2010
0oOo0oO
Roads unkept to cover the tracks of those who lied, I find myself arriving to endless chatter while the mechanical flies buzz in annoyance, those tungsten smiles like Stalin's First, I feel no warmth but only the incongruous stare.
Stop - Start the sounds of gears grinding across the room as the Wise walk through the door, I watch all the animals write down the Wise - they can not tell their own lies, I lift my hand in question, maybe to gain more knowledge or to point out that I am different?
I see no further than the back of my eyelids, I fight against all odds but come second to none, with the jets screaming in the background as the machines say goodbye; theres no way to call for help, if any at all?
With the hot air flush against my skin, sweat drops from my forehead... I am still human after all.
I watch them converse in conversation unable to read their thin lips, frustration creeps up on me, as every now and then I catch a dreadful stare.
My arms start to tingle as the blood struggles to find its way through my veins, the buzz of the flies start to become a permanent fixture in my sub-conscious.
Questions of fear are my devil, wondering what those needles are injecting into my body, green turn my veins as the thick liquid explores my inner being, I feel every inch it moves and hear the cries as it lays war upon my body, black, and more of it as I start to fade into unconsciousness.
I awake to find my mind intact, I open my eyes to see nothing but barren land as dust is swept up by the wind, , my mouth dry I am unable to swallow, it begs me for water... nothing but sand, I look down at my feet in horror as I realise transformation is slowly taking place - I am human, but not by the end of today.
My walk lasts for only a moment as I collapse to meet the fine red sand, my eyes readjust to find I am not alone nor am I on the fine red sand but on grass with life, they lift me to my feet, I can only stare unable to say a word. They urge me on to a lake with clear blue water, I am greedy and my gulps are large and messy, I don't care, but I am grateful for them helping me... their eyes never leave me, they watch my every move and smile as I take in more and more of what I think is water.
I hear a voice in the distance, calling out my name.
I wake up to find I am still on the cold steal table, with the buzz of the mechanical flies in my head, only now I am strapped down from my head to my legs, my whole body tingles with the lack of blood, their tungsten smiles are a permanent fixture as I realise what they are.
Human, weak, emotions, free thought? Lies!
My minds starts to lose its grip on reality - if there was any to begin with? I watch as they open my chest and take a look inside - Strange that I feel no pain - they share a joke at my astonishment.
I feel them inside my chest pulling, cutting... and fixing?
I want to lift my head to see what I look like but the straps so tight its pointless to even try.
They close me up and move towards my head I feel the scalpel run across my head - again no pain - I feel them pull something out... I stare in disbelief.
I start to cry, or I think I do, I feel no tears, but for the first time I do feel pain only its not physical its a common notion, I am heart sore at the fact I am no longer human, but a non entity such as them... I cant seem to remember who I am, where I came from, I have no memories.
Was I ever alive to begin with? Was I even here? Why are there so many blanks?
Why are there so many questions? I slowly bring down my hand as the Wise take note of my questions, they smile and tell me "The roads are unkept to cover the tracks of those who lied"
Did I lie? Are they protecting me?
Stop - Start the sounds of gears grinding across the room as the Wise walk through the door, I watch all the animals write down the Wise - they can not tell their own lies, I lift my hand in question, maybe to gain more knowledge or to point out that I am different?
I see no further than the back of my eyelids, I fight against all odds but come second to none, with the jets screaming in the background as the machines say goodbye; theres no way to call for help, if any at all?
With the hot air flush against my skin, sweat drops from my forehead... I am still human after all.
I watch them converse in conversation unable to read their thin lips, frustration creeps up on me, as every now and then I catch a dreadful stare.
My arms start to tingle as the blood struggles to find its way through my veins, the buzz of the flies start to become a permanent fixture in my sub-conscious.
Questions of fear are my devil, wondering what those needles are injecting into my body, green turn my veins as the thick liquid explores my inner being, I feel every inch it moves and hear the cries as it lays war upon my body, black, and more of it as I start to fade into unconsciousness.
I awake to find my mind intact, I open my eyes to see nothing but barren land as dust is swept up by the wind, , my mouth dry I am unable to swallow, it begs me for water... nothing but sand, I look down at my feet in horror as I realise transformation is slowly taking place - I am human, but not by the end of today.
My walk lasts for only a moment as I collapse to meet the fine red sand, my eyes readjust to find I am not alone nor am I on the fine red sand but on grass with life, they lift me to my feet, I can only stare unable to say a word. They urge me on to a lake with clear blue water, I am greedy and my gulps are large and messy, I don't care, but I am grateful for them helping me... their eyes never leave me, they watch my every move and smile as I take in more and more of what I think is water.
I hear a voice in the distance, calling out my name.
I wake up to find I am still on the cold steal table, with the buzz of the mechanical flies in my head, only now I am strapped down from my head to my legs, my whole body tingles with the lack of blood, their tungsten smiles are a permanent fixture as I realise what they are.
Human, weak, emotions, free thought? Lies!
My minds starts to lose its grip on reality - if there was any to begin with? I watch as they open my chest and take a look inside - Strange that I feel no pain - they share a joke at my astonishment.
I feel them inside my chest pulling, cutting... and fixing?
I want to lift my head to see what I look like but the straps so tight its pointless to even try.
They close me up and move towards my head I feel the scalpel run across my head - again no pain - I feel them pull something out... I stare in disbelief.
I start to cry, or I think I do, I feel no tears, but for the first time I do feel pain only its not physical its a common notion, I am heart sore at the fact I am no longer human, but a non entity such as them... I cant seem to remember who I am, where I came from, I have no memories.
Was I ever alive to begin with? Was I even here? Why are there so many blanks?
Why are there so many questions? I slowly bring down my hand as the Wise take note of my questions, they smile and tell me "The roads are unkept to cover the tracks of those who lied"
Did I lie? Are they protecting me?
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